From the Desk of Keith Hafner 

Karate Stories:  Self Control.

Older kids, even those who have learned self-control, may go through a period when they resist your boundaries and rules. They are still conducting tests. And now they have more will power, more ability to debate, and more desire for independence. They will pull out all the tricks. You’ve heard these before: “Mom, you are the only parent who insists on a curfew!”

Or, how about: “Dad, you’re so old fashioned! Everyone’s doing it!” Don’t cave in! Even at this age, kids still need your guidance, your structure. Maybe especially at this age! Even though teens will insist that they want to be independent, they still need the security of feeling that those in charge know what they are doing. Of course, as the kids get older, you will gradually turn the reins over to them. The key word is “gradually”! Then it will be your turn to become a “testing” creature!

Begin by giving them small amounts of responsibility. When they handle one task with self-control, you know that it may be okay to go to the next level. If they don’t handle it with Self-Control, you know that you must take a step backward. Explain this strategy to your teenagers. Explain that their ability to handle privileges and responsibilities will earn them the right to set their own boundaries and rules — to be self controlled. You must occasionally remind them that this isn’t just some weird torture system that you’ve thought up, just to torment them. That’s how the rest of the world works, too!  If teenagers move into adulthood without self-control, they will have a tough time. At best, they will spin their wheels, unable to develop the ability to move forward, to achieve. At worst, they will find themselves in a position where somebody else will move in and establish control over them! Remember, you show your love for your kids by making the tough calls. Don’t give up!