From the Desk of Keith Hafner

How We Teach Self-Confidence

Have you ever wondered just how we go about developing Confidence?

Many people think that learning self-defense skills are what causes an increase in self-confidence.  But that is only part of it… a small part of it.

One of the first things we work on is developing a good sense of balance.  Balance is at the foundation of developing confidence… Balance is one of the reasons children tend to hold back – to be a bit more reserved.  After all… who wants to fall down in front of their peers?

Few other activities in a child’s life specifically work on developing a keen sense of balance.  In fact, probably the only time anyone is aware of balance in children is in that awkward ‘learning how to ride a bike’ stage.

My life experiences, with my children, have taught me that — without exception — every one of my children’s coaches assumed that the kids on their team already had balance and coordination… and only worked on developing those skill sets necessary for the team to win (catching, hitting, passing, blocking, game strategy etc.).

However, in martial arts, balance is critical.  Especially when learning how to kick.  It will become evident to you when you watch the lower ranked belts do a kicking exercise.  It is common to see them ‘touch down’ with the other foot to help regain their balance.  And like a muscle – with use, balance becomes stronger.

Coordination is another key element in developing confidence.  You see, if a child is always knocking things down, stumbling and awkward, they know it – and have self-doubts.  So we concentrate on developing their fine and gross motor skills.  One of our goals for our students — by the time they reach Black Belt — is to be as coordinated with their left foot as their right hand!

But there is much more to developing confidence than basic physical skills…

There are the psychological skills…

As we do various role-playing with the kids, it is fun to watch their eyes light up as they learn ways to outsmart or talk their way out of a confrontation.  You can almost ‘see the wheels turning’ in their heads as they learn the ‘ABC’s of Conflict Avoidance.’

You see,  we strongly feel that the best way to win a fight is to first use our heads.  Either A) Recognize the danger and then not be there when it happens, or  B) negotiate, or talk, a way out.

Of course as the students learn progressively more difficult routines, they start to feel like ‘I can do this,’ ‘I could block a punch’ – ‘Look at me, I’m getting better!’  We ‘teaspoon’ feed them martial arts moves and as they get those down we give them some more.  The last week prior to belt testing we review what they already know – making them look and feel sharp for the belt test.

One of our secret weapons in developing confidence is the belt promotion.  We feel that one of the biggest fears people have is to speak or perform in public.  In order to be promoted the students must pass the ‘Belt Test.’  That is to perform in front of their instructors, family and friends.  They must face their fear… swallow hard… and do it!

BUT… we have set the kids up for success.  You see, we don’t believe in publicly failing anyone.  So we watch the kids, carefully, in class.  We quiz them each month during ‘Tip Week.’ If a child is not performing well, we provide free private lessons to bring their skills up to par.  So when they publicly test it’s an automatic win – all they have to do is show up and do their moves.

The victorious feeling of facing fear and self-doubt, and succeeding, does wonders for the self-image, the ‘Can Do’ attitude and boosts self-confidence like few things can!

And of course knowing solid self-defense skills helps in the confidence department…in case a student, as a very last resort, has to ‘take care of business.’