From the Desk of Keith Hafner 

Mrs. Dobson’s Story

Mrs. Dobson was growing tired of the disrespectful behavior of her 14-year-old daughter, Emma. Emma began to openly challenge her mother’s authority. They frequently fought about family rules, dress codes, and curfews.

Emma had grown critical of just about everything: school, rules and other people. She would always be late when getting ready. She didn’t mind a bit if she kept Mom waiting for her.

Mrs. Dobson felt, at times, as though she was the kid and Emma was the parent. Mrs. Dobson hadn’t intended to let this happen. However, little by little, disrespect began creeping into Emma’s attitude. Mrs. Dobson had always found it easier to let the behavior slide. She would work on it later.

Lately, though, it had taken a turn for the worse. In fact, Mrs. Dobson got a call from Emma’s schoolteacher, saying she had noticed some disrespectful behavior from Emma, too.

Mrs. Dobson began to realize that she had, in fact, ALLOWED this attitude to develop. She should have caught it when it first began. Now, with a look of concern, she wondered if it was too late to do anything about it.

One day, while looking through a family photo album, she saw a photo of her Grandmother Dobson. The photo brought back fond memories of a warm and loving Grandmother. Mrs. Dobson wished that Emma could have known Grandma.

Then it popped into her head. “No way would Grandma tolerate disrespectful behavior from Emma!” Grandma was sweet and kind, but you were always on your best behavior around her. You said, “Yes, Ma’am,” and “No, Ma’am.” You paid attention to your appearance. You would never think of being rowdy in her home. You would never, ever speak disrespectfully to her.

Now, Grandma was not a heavy-handed enforcer of respect. So how did she do it? She had something about her that caused you to be on your best behavior.

Grandma was a person who deserved to be respected, thought Mrs. Dobson.

Then the light went on. “So do I!” she said out loud. Mrs. Dobson began to see that Emma had become disrespectful because she had allowed her to become that way.

“Things will be different, now,” she thought.

Mrs. Dobson had a long talk with her daughter. “Emma, I’ve messed up. I’ve allowed certain things to creep into our relationship that should not be there. Here’s how it will be from now on…”

1. “No disrespectful talk. I am the parent. You are the child.”
2. “You will not keep me waiting.”
3. “Rules will be enforced. If you have questions, they must be asked respectfully.”
4. “Privileges are earned, not automatic. Your privileges will be determined by your level of respectful behavior.”

Mrs. Dobson stuck to her plan. Emma had no choice but to comply, because Mom was serious. After a while, Emma enjoyed the new relationship with her mother. It felt right. Grandma Dobson would have been proud!